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Slippery When Wet - The Best of Sarah Jane Hamilton
Slippery When Wet - The Best of Sarah Jane Hamilton
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Studio: Other » Review by
Spook Central »
Review Date: 10/3/14
Advice: Skip It
was a beautiful red-haired English lass, who, throughout the 1990s was one of the premiere squirters in the industry. So, naturally, a "best of" compilation would be a great thing if you like her, redheads, or squirters. Sadly, this "best of" compilation is anything but great.
Things start off bad when the disc boots up, and after the obligatory FBI warning and copyright/legal notices, and the two minutes of phone sex ads, you get to the program and notice that the on-screen title doesn't say "best of" at all - like the box says. It actually reads "Slippery When Wet - Starring Sara Jane Hamilton". Yeah, Sarah's name is spelled one way on the box and another way in the actual program. But the title is the least of the problems.
The next thing you notice is that the video is not timecoded. I hate when studios are too lazy to add timecodes. It means that I have no clue where I am at any point in the movie or how long any portion of the movie is or what chapter I'm currently viewing (without doing trial and error to find out). Nor can I do a time search, so I have to rely on the chapters being well-placed, or I'm stuck using my fast forward and/or rewind buttons. Thankfully, this program has a lot of chapters: 42 of them to be precise. (Please note that although the video is not timecoded, my software DVD player graciously adds a timecode, so I can provide the runtimes you see referenced in this review.)
You'll also notice that the quality is rather poor. It's not complete crap, mind you, but it's obviously that this was pulled from a VHS source. I actually think that this compilation may have originally been released on VHS in 1994. Even on an old analog standard-definition television you'll notice the poor quality, but it becomes incredibly apparent when you view it on an HDTV or a computer monitor. The scenes themselves were not filmed very well in the first place, and this doesn't help matters. You can see the quality for yourself in the screen captures below.
They say you can't judge a book by its cover. That was never more true than with this DVD. The majority of scenes shown on the front and back of the case are NOT on the DVD. The shot on the front with oiled/sweaty Sarah and the three gals...not there. Ditto for the other two shots on the back with Sarah and the three gals (top left and bottom right). The great shot on the back of Sarah sucking on a guy's balls...not there. The back cover double penetration shot...not there. The two shots on the back left of Sarah in a pulled-down yellow top taking on two guys...not there. And finally, the shot on the back upper right of Sarah licking the pussy of a gal wearing red panties...not there. In total, there are 13 photos on the case (front and back), and only 5 of them are from scenes that are actually on the DVD. Talk about false advertising.
And just what scenes are on the DVD, you may be wondering. Well, not many. There are a whopping FOUR scenes to be exact. I don't know how four scenes qualifies as a "best of" compilation. Those four scenes give the program a total runtime of 1 hour 23 minutes 56 seconds (83:56) (The first half is 49:22, the second half is 34:34; as times restart in my software DVD player at the beginning of chapter 23 even though the program is only on one title. There's a layer change-type pause between chapters 22 & 23, even though the DVD is single layer.)
Movie: [possibly (1993) - though it could be one of ]
Stars: Sarah Jane Hamilton and Peter North
This scene shows Sarah in lingerie and Peter in a romantic bedroom setting. They're shot in very low light, so everything worth seeing is covered in shadows. Sarah cums a couple of times, though the camera isn't always in the best spot to capture it. Peter's load at the end is half on the bed and half on Sarah's red-haired pussy. What could have been a great scene is ruined by the darkness and shadows.
Movie: ??? (1993/1994)
Stars: Sarah Jane Hamilton and [unknown girl #1]
An average girl/girl scene. Nothing special. Sarah cums once at the very end, which is shot in nice, bright close-up. This is the only time in the program that you get a really good shot of Sarah cumming.
Movie: ??? (1993/1994)
Stars: Sarah Jane Hamilton and [unknown girl #2]
Another girl/girl scene, not as good as the other one because you never get a good shot of Sarah cumming and I didn't care for the other gal's looks due to her somewhat masculine face and bright white untanned breasts (the flatness of them doesn't matter to me). Sarah cums once near the end, but it's hard to see.
Stars: Sarah Jane Hamilton, TT Boy, Jon Dough, Blake Palmer, Micky Ray, Joey Silvera, Tom T., and Shawn Ricks [assuming the end credits are correct]
[Please note, in some DVD players, once this scene starts, you can't rewind to any previous scene.]
This is the scene that had the most promise, so it's also the scene that's the biggest let-down. Sarah taking on seven - yes, SEVEN - guys sounds like it would be quite the spectacle. Well, it's a spectacle, all right, but not in the good way. You see, in spite of there being SEVEN guys, Sarah never does more than one at a time - and only vaginally! Okay, in the interest of fairness, there are two separate times where she does suck on a cock while being penetrated vaginally, but it's only for less than a minute each time. So that's less than two minutes of having two holes filled in a 30 minute scene. The only time that she spends any considerable amount of time with a cock anywhere near her mouth is for the cumshots at the end. Why have seven guys if they're only going to be used one at a time? To have a gangbang that doesn't even have a single double penetration is a waste - especially since there's a double penetration shot on the back of the box (obviously taken from another scene that doesn't appear on this DVD). Anyway, Sarah cums a few times, but the camera or performers aren't usually in the right place for it to be best shown to the viewer. When you do see it, it's usually dripping off some guy's cock or down Sarah's leg. There are horrible camera angles all throughout the scene, where you see parts of legs, or things are obscured in shadow. The worst is how frequently the cameraman shows the other six guys standing around jerking off - like that's something a straight male wants to see. The scene occasionally has a horrible red tint to it. The audio doesn't fare much better due to a crackling noise in the background from the nearby stream of water. The best part of the entire scene (of the entire program, actually) is a five minute portion before the end where Sarah is riding cowgirl and reverse cowgirl while getting covered in baby oil. I especially got a kick out of the part where one guy is squeezing the oil out of the bottle onto her, and she forcibly grabs it from him and does it herself.
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This is the part of the review where I would usually write about the bonus features. Well, there's aren't any. Hell, there isn't even a menu! Yes, you read that right, Zane didn't even put a menu on this DVD. We don't even get complete end credits either. Just as the crew starts to come on screen, the player pauses for a few seconds, and the program restarts from the beginning. It would appear to me that they simply took the last 35 minutes of Starbangers 3, including the end credits, and put it in this compilation. I know from reading reviews that the last scene here is the last scene in Starbangers 3, and the end credits cast list doesn't list Peter North or the two gals from scenes 2 and 3, but includes all of the cast from the last scene. Plus the end credits cut off just as the crew starts to come on screen, which they did because that crew didn't work on this entire compilation. That pretty much confirms it for me. Feel free to read this DVD's "complete" end credits.
Bottom line, as much as I love Sarah Jane Hamilton, this DVD is not worth the $9.44 ($6.44 plus $3.00 shipping) that I paid for it. I'd say that it's only worth having if you can get it for free, and even then, I've gotten better freebies. I'm sure there are better Sarah Jane Hamilton DVDs out there. There couldn't be any worse :-)