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Tampa Swinger's Party
Tampa Swinger's Party
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Studio: Diabolic » Review by
Crazy Slutty »
Review Date: 5/29/10
Tampa Swinger's PartyYes, misplaced apostrophe and all. The party belongs to only one swinger? But which one? WHICH ONE?!
We'll never know.
So this is like a sex party type thing with one porn star in it. Courtney Cummz stars in and directs it.
There's no way to know who the other total amateur girls are, though, and no way to break this down by scene. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the semi-hilarious ride.
The sound is godawful, but we're not here to listen, are we? Really?
OK, so first there is this couple on a couch who are like as old as my parents. And this guy - we'll call him Dad - is a big fan of Courtney. Oh, he's a fan along with Mom. And I guess they invited friends for her to fuck. Also, their Christmas tree is like huge.
Why so huge, Christmas tree? Are you compensating?
Then Courtney just walks right in and tells us all that her friends are throwing her a masquerade party. Or it's a birthday party. A masquerade birthday party? Sure.
Masks come out and then - no joke - there's a big click and mysteriously they are better lit.
Then she starts talking about Hitachi magic wands. I'm down with that. Why is the Christmas tree so big?
OMG Mom is wearing a thong and plastic neon yellow shoes.
Mom knows what's hot... like dollar store pretend hooker platforms!
So Courtney goes to let in the guests and it's all ridiculous. Most unfortunately, Mom walks toward the camera with a BIG SMILE. Look away...
Where did they find these "men"? They are creepy. Creepy dudes.
OK, Courtney is clearly too hot to be in this movie.
HAHA There is an amazing picture on the wall that is almost beyond words.
Supercuts called from 1992, they want their poster back.
Everybody goes into the kitchen, which matches Mom's thong. They're all waiting for drinks and slapping asses. Lots of ass slapping by creepy dudes.
Of course! What drink would they hand out at this sort of party? Cum shots! Which are an actual drink. Recipes vary, but apparently Courtney does not trust the cum shot. How sad. She then pours her own drink into another dude's mouth, because if there's one thing dudes love, it's a cum shot. LOLOL I can do this all day.
More shots of Mom! Sad.
Courtney then goes to play ... pool. She then rubs the pool cue in Mom's crack and then makes Mom suck on a vibrator. She then makes Mom cum on the pool table while licking her. Mom slaps her own leg... and, um. I don't really want to see this.
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Mom knows what's hot... ass splinters.
Then they are kissing and Mom wishes Courtney a happy birthday.
happens. Courtney takes her top off and they CUT AWAY to Asian girl giving a huge black man a horrible blowjob. I was going to see HOT PORN TITS and I was denied.
And I was given a horrible boring blowjob in exchange.
Moving on! Creepy guy is fucking some other MILF from behind. OK, there was nothing at all to suggest this was a MILF movie. And then Courtney steps into the frame for like one second and I still don't get a good view of her boobs!
Creepy guy is all flopping around with no hardon and then gave up on the sexing. Seriously, get this guy out of here. He is freaking me the fuck out!
Look at the guy on the right. You can't tell me you won't see him in your nightmares.
And if you DO tell me that, you're a dirty liar!
SIGH then Mom is sucking cock again. Ughghghghghg well, she's sucking Dad's cock. And now the Asian girl who can't suck cock comes over and continues to be bad at this, despite Dad's much smaller cock. YOU NEED A NEW CAREER, ASIAN GIRL.
And here is Creepy not-hard man! Asian girl sucks on him. They deserve each other.
Mom is better at cocksucking.
Now Creepy guy is trying to stuff his soft dick into yet another woman. Somehow he manages. I'm not really sure how.
Back to Mom getting fucked by the big black guy... and she starts slapping her leg again! LOL and THEN she starts slapping HIS leg and he makes her stop that. What. You are weird, Mom. Also, black guy is wearing black socks. This amuses me.
Mom knows what's hot... slapping anything and everything within reach.
It'ss hilarious and like she can't NOT do it.
People, furniture, whatever. She'll slap it all.
Then Mom and MILF suck on black guy and he fucks MILF.
Creepy guy is still with Asian chick. See, he knows they belong together, because they are both porn losers.
FINALLY we see some bona fide porn tits from Courtney, and they are pretty nice! She does some dirty talking too.
Oh Courtney's tits, I love you!
Creepy guy finally cums, and I hope he goes away.
Then through the magic of bad editing, most people have their clothes back on. Dad is playing with some girl and we get to see super pale girl who is dressed like she fell into a vat of Technicolor.
Nothing says "sexy" like OW MY EYES.
Courtney does some cocksucking on the big black guy. She's pretty good, and apparently a big fan of spitting.
There's more sex combinations going on, but you get the idea.
MILF does some rimjob action on some guy.
And then there is a Sybian.
More bad cocksucking! And more sex on the pool table. And a creepy cum shot onto Asian girl from Dad. Then Dad talks about how her pussy is "like velvet inside." And it's like suuuuuper creepy.
How many times have I said creepy?!
Then Courtney is on the Sybian, which is the only hot moment so far. Really. But I think she doesn't even really cum. I think she stopped it 'cause she seems like she'd be a yeller like me. It's OK to yell, Courtney. It's hot. It's even better to yell with a cock down your throat while cumming. I recommend it.
And now there is a new black guy. He seems to be pleased to be in porn.
Courtney is then out of doors with a magic wand. She then asks the older ladies to slap her thighs while she tries to cum. Seriously, she yells at them and it's awesome. I knew she liked it rough!
Also Technicolor Girl spontaneously has a hat, and apparently doesn't want to see this.It's ok, Technicolor Girl. Neither do we.
Finally, the camera is where it needs to be - on Courtney. And then creepy guy fucks her. Booo.
Courtney also spits out cum, and thus loses points.
Why you be spittin' it out? noooooo!Also, HAY THAR creepy doll collection.
Special featuresPhoto gallery
Behind the scenes: This is Courtney basically taking you on a tour of Caliente, a clothing optional
resort in Florida. Was this movie shot there? No idea. Maybe? And maybe they said she had to do a mini-commercial for them as payment? Who knows.
We then get to watch her get dressed and brush her
teeth, and there's video of the photo shoot. Ooookay.
There was no pop shot recap, but the case advertised that there was.
WRAP-UPThe good: I love the concept of a house of people fucking whoever they want whenever they want wherever they want and having REAL sex.
The bad: With the exception of Courtney, it should not be these people.
Final Grade: C-
The concept for this is very very good. And Courtney is hot.
But everything else about it is mostly terrible.